The Journey of Dandelion Snailrider

Day Six: The North Pole

From:       Dandelion Snailrider
To:         Mr. A--
Subject:    Re: Day 5: Confused By The Signs
Date:       December 15, 2002

Dear Mr. A--,

--- Mr. A-- wrote:
> Personally, I think the chances that you'll ever
> find my house are about the same has the chances of
> having the earth fall out of its orbit and plummet
> into the sun this afternoon.  You and your snail
> seem to have a miserable sense of direction. 
> Patagonia to the Middle East to Guadalajara to
> Alaska to Ireland?  You are certainly taking the
> long way 'round!
> Probably just as well that you're having a chance to
> see the world.  I'm afraid that you may have a small
> problem getting to our house--aside from your sense
> of direction, that is.  In reaction to the large
> number of mollusks that have appeared due to the
> recent typhoon in our area, they're applying snail
> bait everywhere in sight all around the area.  As a
> good neighbor, I have to go along with the majority,
> and will also be applying about 300 pounds of
> SNAIROL in a continuous circle around my house--kind
> of like the Deadly Desert surrounding Oz.
> In addition, they've imported 25 unemployed French
> chefs who are amazingly eager to show off their
> culinary talents with offerings of cooked snails.
> All in all, I think you had better head for a more
> "welcoming" environment--maybe Abu Dhabi!

Your concern for the safety of my snail is very
touching!  I read your last e-mail to me and nearly
wept tears of joy and gratitude.  But fear not!  My
snail is one of the very rarest of the rare, a
Patagonia warrior snail.  He has spent many years in
Australia, slowly building up an immunity to SNAIROL,
among other insidious poisons (such as iocaine
powder).  He now completely impervious to such toxins.

The French chefs do present another problem, of
course; I have met many French chefs in my day, and
their Ninja-like skills of stealth and cookery are
quite intimidating.  However, my snail and I have
discussed this in much depth and have decided that my
skills in Tae Kwan Leap will be more than adequate to
overcome this obstacle, however.

You're quite right that my sense of direction is not
necessarily what it should be.  Attached is a picture
of myself at the North Pole, trying to get my

I am so sorry to hear of the typhoons in your area. 
Did they afflict the entire Santa Clara county, or
just Campbell?  At any rate, I am arranging to have
supplies of food, water, medical supplies, and tea
kettles airlifted to your home immediately.  I hope
that this will ease your suffering.

Be steadfast!

Until I arrive, I remain,

Your loyal friend,

Dandelion Snailrider

P.S.  I am still trying to come up with a name for my
snail.  I am stuck now between "Wesley" and "The Dread
Snail Roberts".  Any suggestions you may have to offer
would certainly be appreciated! -DS

On To Day Seven

Copyright ©2002 by Richard S. Crawford