Day Fourteen: Bakersfield
From: Dandelion Snailrider To: Mr. A-- Subject: Day Fourteen: Patagonian Vs. Bakersfield Coffee Date: December 23, 2002 Dear Mr. A--, As you can see, I am very close to completing my journey! I have arrived here at Starbuck's in downtown Bakersfield, where the people are friendly (I had my photograph taken with a number of friendly locals!) and the coffee is wholesome. The coffee in Starbuck's here is frankly quite superior to the coffee in Patagonia, where the coffee beans are ground between the hardened soles of our gnome village elders. This certainly lends a unique vintage to our coffee, but it also means that Patagonian Gnome coffee is quite effective for killing small rodents or frightening young children. Many tales of gnomes and fairies today retain knowledge of our coffee as parts of spells that are used to keep mortals away from certain enchanted locations. Bakersfield is certainly a restful place after all of our exciting journeys. I sat with the Dread Snail Roberts this afternoon while sipping a half double decaf cap-and-a-half with a twist of lemon, and watching the world go by, and had a nice relaxing chat recounting our adventures. We recalled Crazy Habib and his special recipe for camel tacos. We spoke of Yukon Cornelius, the champion racer of the Iditarod, who let us pet his friendly dogs. The most exciting part of Bakersfield, for me, was seeing the rows upon rows of chef's hats growing in the sun, next to the corn fields. I certainly look forward to many pleasant evening conversations with you on your front lawn! I don't know if you've noticed, by the way, an alteration to my signature: I now sign myself, "Sir Dandelion Snailrider, Esq." I must report that it has been my great honor to be knighted by the Royal Snails of Timbuktu. While they tell me it is in recognition of my bravery and courage in the face of many travails and adventures with the Dread Snail Roberts in situations that most snails would find terrifying, I think it might also have been to make up for the inconvenience of having to make a side trip to Mali on the way from Australia to Arizona. Nevertheless, a knighthood bestowed upon one by such fine mollusks is certainly not something to sneeze at! And it is furthermore my honor to report to you that you yourself have been honored with knighthood by the Snails of Timbuktu. When you next travel there, be sure to pick up your sword and armor from the Snails themselves. Alas, I had no room in my pack for your knightly gear. So until tomorrow, Sir A--, I remain, Your Loyal and Knightly Associate, Sir Dandelion Snailrider, Esq.